Thursday, 12 March 2020

March ramblings

I don't do New Year's Resolutions, but in the lead up to the Spring Equinox I usually find myself looking back over the past year, and getting quite philosophical about things. Today is that day!

Last year (March 8th) after an amazing wedding party in Finland, one I was happy to be well for, I (we) gave up alcohol. I wasn't a big drinker, but it had become a fairly regular thing, and so I decided to stop, to see what the impact on my health, general wellbeing, and creativity 
was. Without going into too much detail - because there's other stuff I want to ramble about - I can confirm it's been an entirely positive experience, and one that I'm going to continue for the foreseeable future. I know society has a tendency to view people as boring if they don't drink, but if anything, it has made me more interesting.

There have been a couple of situations that, for various reasons, have triggered some strong feelings of rejection in me, but that's ok. I know I'm not perfect. I know I can be quite blunt these days; unfortunately that's a side effect of struggling cognitively due to illness (I don't have the language or brain space to think things through properly, or be softer, or more articulate), but my intentions are always good, and I'm striving to be a better human every day, even if it doesn't always seem that way. 

My health is pretty shocking; I've got one last diagnostic test to complete the picture, however I have every intention of doing what I can this year to improve it. My main issue is ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I battle constantly with fatigue and have to spend my energy 'spoons' relatively wisely; which hugely limits my capacity to throw myself at life and the people I love - BUT - I will never let this get me down as I have done in the past. I am finding new strategies all the time and whilst I may never find a path back to being 100%, I am open to the idea that it is possible, and I am moving forwards believing I can.

I can't believe we have been in this glorious (cold!) house for a year and a half now. I have only spoken in detail with those closest to me, but we removed ourselves from a toxic situation that was literally killing my soul, and we are slowly unfurling our way back to laughter and life again. It took three years to get to a place of imbalance, and I have always said that it'll take three years (at least) to heal. Plus we've been through just about every event and milestone we could have in that time! I no longer give the situation my energy - I have grown to be standing in my personal power once more.

This morning I am so grateful for my life. I love and accept myself for who I am, and I am full of positivity for what lies ahead.

How is 2020 going for you so far?!

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